Fear has a way of clouding judgement; like producing this gigantic veil that’s so translucent you don’t even realize it’s there. All my life this veil has plagued every one one of my ventures, from birth to now. Everything to me has always had some underlying bad thing connected to it, and that veil increases when the anxiety brick hits me.
My classes are where my attitude towards fear has been shifted. They set their classes up as little live lessons; all the teachers and all the students for a particular class meet to discuss what’s due for the week, and go over tough lessons. There are always parts within these lessons, where students can contribute opinions or read part of the lesson.
Having been a student there for three years now, I’ve volunteered here and there, but anxiety constantly got the best of me; heart starts pounding out my chest and my whole body shakes endlessly. So I refrained from nothing more than commenting in our little chat-box. Recently, however, my attitude has shifted. I’ve pushed myself to start talking in the chat more, talking to the other students, taking the whiteboard in situations when I know I’m capable. I wasn’t expecting anyone to take notice, -or perhaps it’s just because I rarely did it before- but I got so much approval from my fellow classmates and teachers. One teacher even reached out to say she was glad I participated more.
And my most recent painting and the post I made for it.. I was so skeptical of whether it was worth posting. It can be a difficult thing to manifest something you think is worth talking about over the internet, without feeling like you’ll be criticized just for speaking your mind. The post has actually gained much traction, which was so uplifting to me because I didn’t try to veil my opinion in it. It was just simply me speaking like I would to anybody.
What I’ve learned -from the brief weeks of undergoing this established “experiment”- is that sometimes fear takes the place of the unknown. It can take place where you’d initially have no feeling, so fear creeps its way into the crevices and devours the moment. While fear of the common things that are always overplayed and overrated in movies shouldn’t be overlooked, there comes a time and a place when fear needs to get shoved back down into the hole it belongs in. It may be just as surprising to you as it was to me to find the winsome outcomes that can come along with it; like realizing the potential that you have in yourself.