It can be an odd life for a people pleaser. I find that throughout my life I have tailored what parts of my personality are fitting for a situation, rather than just letting it all go. Now, with respect towards the obvious being polite to elders and respecting superiors, I truly believe someone shouldn’t have to tailor their personality. It makes it extremely difficult to find the person you really are, when you’ve spent your whole life blending into the crowds. Everyone has their own color palette that you pick colors off of, but you never show off your own.
You’re lost in a swirl of colors, and you begin to feel like the black abyss of what you should be, instead of what you are. This year has been one of discovery for me so far; I realized that this chameleon factor within myself is one that has plagued me for quiet some time. I’m an emotional person, but I’ve tailored myself to push feelings aside and often act jovial and aloof for others. I’m an opinionated person, but I’ve tailored myself to often be Switzerland and not intervene in most conversations. I’m an artistic person, but have tailored what I make due to fear of others opinions.
I have been finished with that since the start of this year. I’ve been making art more because of it; my mind has been lifted from its barriers and my creativity has soared. I constantly give my opinion when I get the weighted feeling in my chest from possible words yet to be spoken. My feelings still remain like closed books; though I am not trifled if someone wishes to read one. I used to feel so encapsulated in not only a veil of clouded judgement, but also a bubble I thought to dangerous to pop.
No more. This chameleon is going to make a palette of its own colors; and they will all stand out.