Pointed & Ready

It’s an emptiness.
But is it really?
There’s an ache that exists, and you can be surrounded by amazing organisms and still feel it.

That ache.

That terrible, awful, remembering ache.

It feel like you’re drowning in the midst of an oxygen bubble.
Which doesn’t make sense; is the water imaginary? Is it all in my head?
No, couldn’t be.

Because even if I’m not drowning, no one’s popped the bubble just to see.

.

– Back to the writing wheel, yet again. ~ M

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The Garden of Eden

She had this look on her face. I had tried for hours to convince her to open her mouth and let go of the shock that remained paled in her skin, “Allahna, what is it that you saw? What scared you in the garden?” Yet again her dark brown eyes met mine. Something was different; they glimmered now where they never had before.

 
A back and forth pitter-patter of trying to get her to speak, with no response, I took it upon myself to drag her back to the garden. She stood at its entrance. No hesitation; no shaking in her boots. She opened her hand and appeared to have her eyes closed. In that exact moment, a flower was plucked from the foliage grasping the trellis entrance, and was placed into her hand. No one had touched it, and she hadn’t done it; it appeared the wind had grasped it tight and laid it in her hand.

 
She opened her eyes when she felt the petals plop on her skin. She stared at it, in awe of its bright pink hue. Yet she still was just as pale as before. I knelt at her side, “Allahna, what scared you in the garden?” She looked back at me with once again, glimmered eyes. She clutched the flower in her hand, and finally spoke, “The placement of the flower or garden doesn’t scare me.. Its who handed me the flower that frightens me.” She gives it a will? A person of substance? Yet all I saw was a flower floating to her hand.

 
“Allahna, who handed you this flower?” She smiled, and then lost her train of thought and paled again. She let go of the flower, “Eden. Eden handed it to me.”

 
The pink petals hit the ground before her last word came out; the muddled petal colors now reflected how this instance felt. This was Edens garden.

 

 

 

 

(Would like to say that this is just a play on “The Garden of Eden”, and was not written in a religious way. But read at your own leisure)

30 Song Challenge – Or 50?

I was nominated by the Lovely Leah and the Terrific Tabitha for this intriguing tag. (Apologize for anyone I missed)

I will say here and now that I grew up listening to all kinds of music, and the songs I list here are not all that I listen too. I wish I could put thousands of songs in these categories but I’ll limit myself to one or two. Any music lover out there knows my dilemma..

1. Your favorite song:
I feel like it’s constantly changing for me as I discover new music; but for the past few months it has been Polaroid by Imagine Dragons. Also Technicolor Beat by Oh Wonder is one that I can never get enough of.

2. Least favorite song:
Currently, I can’t stand that Downtown song by Macklemore.. Sounds like instruments clanging together off-beat.

3. A song that makes you happy:
Budapest by George Ezra; I’ve also liked that one for a very long time. And for whatever reason Like Sin by Chase Coy makes me happy too.

4. A song that makes you sad:
There are many songs that make me feel that way, but often I don’t listen to them because I’d rather not be sad. To list a few, IDFC by Blackbear, and Dark Star & Moondust by Jaymes Young, and Broken Angel by Boyce Avenue.

5. A song that reminds you of someone.
1, 2, 3, 4 by Plain White T’s, and Ghost by Chelsea Lankes.

5. A song that reminds you of somewhere.
Long Way Down by Robert DeLong, Overload by Life of Dillon, Electricity by FMLYBND, and songs of similar genres remind me of the airport and flying. I travel often, and I’m always listening to music through the whole thing.

7. A song that reminds you of an event:
I feel like I have to pick Girls Thoughts by Circ; no lyrics to this one, but I always find myself daydreaming away with the music.

8. A song that you know all the words to:
Every song on my playlist or Spotify, I know the words too. I listen to music often and I’ve always had a knack for memorizing lyrics. Though I’ve always been able to remember lyrics to all of Eminem’s music since I was younger.

9. A song that you can dance to:
There’s so many that could belong in this category as I love to dance too.. Usually music like Ride by Ciara or  Dark Horse by Katy Perry. Anything with a good background beat.

10. A song that makes you fall asleep: Nightcall by London Grammar, and Sleep Baby Sleep by Broods.

11. A song from your favorite band: So I have three favorite bands; Imagine Dragons and Milky Chance. Polaroid and or Roots are my favorite from Imagine Dragons. Stoned in Paradise or Flashed Junk Mind are my favorites from Milky Chance. ALSO, Oh Wonder, and I legitimately like all of their songs.

12. A song from a band you hate:
I can’t really say there’s a band I hate, but one I never jumped onto the bandwagon for was 5SOS.. Don’t like any of their songs in particular.

13. A song that is a guilty pleasure:
Isn’t every song a guilty pleasure? -This will be a post for another time- I think I could name a few. Honey, Make Me Healthy by Flannel Graph, & Control by Halsey.

14. A song that no one would expect you to love:
I hate to say my music taste is predictable, but people who know me can generally tell what music I’ll listen to. However I always surprise people when I start singing the whole song of Lose Myself by Eminem; which I do love.

15. A song that describes you:
So I asked my mother this one time, and she picked Bubbly by Colbie Caillet -Which is a song I like and know the words too- however I usually pick something sad to describe myself, like Dollhouse by Melanie Martinez or Mirrors by Justin Timberlake. However, if I really had to pick a song, Count On Me by Bruno Mars would be my top choice.

16. A song that you used to love but now hate:
Yikes.. Pretty much any generic song that got overplayed over the years. The first thing that popped into my head was Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen.

17. A song that you hear often on the radio:
God; can I just answer “everything”? Honestly however, I don’t listen to the radio all that much, I find music through other sources.

18. A song that you wish you heard on the radio:
God I wish they’d play Oh Wonder more; they’re very underrated in my opinion and I know it would be a cool thing for them to get mega radio play -Even if it makes them overplayed songs.

19. A song from your favorite album: Have to say my favorite album -which is rare for me because I usually just like particular songs- is Halsey’s Badlands, and my favorite song would be either Gasoline or Control.

20. A song that you listen to when you’re angry:
I never listen to music when I’m angry; usually because anger has always been a fleeting emotion for me, and I’d never have enough time to still play music when I’m angry. Though I will say Revolution sung by Jim Sturgess is a good one.

21. A song that you listen to when you’re happy:
I have to bring back Budapest by George Ezra for this one; also The Way I Am by Ingrid Nelson. But I’m always happy listening to music.

22. A song that you listen to when you’re sad:
Either Carousel by Melanie Martinez, Wasting my Young Year by London Grammar, and While My Guitar Gently Weeps sung by Martin Luther McCoy.

23. A song that you want to play at your wedding:
.Either Colour Me In Gold by JP Cooper, or A Thousand Year by Christina Perri (I know, cliche right?)

24. A song that you want to play at your funeral: Five Foot Three by Flannel Graph; something not to happy, but something on a subtle sad note. Also I feel like this song is a good representation of me.
25. A song that makes you laugh: First thing that popped in my head was The A**hole Song by Denis Leary; probably doesn’t count as a song but who cares. Not many songs make me laugh, I feel deeper emotions than that when it comes to music.
26. A song that you can play on an instrument: I used to be able to play Day Tripper by The Beatles on acoustic guitar.
27. A song that you wish you could play:
Lost Boy by Ruth B; such a beautiful song and it requires piano, which is another favorite instrument of mine.

28. A song in a foreign language that you like:
Waka Waka by Shakira or Bailando by Enrique Iglesias; I can actually sing the Bailando one; thank you two years of Spanish.

29. A song from your childhood:
Clint Eastwood by Gorillaz, Aint No Rest For The Wicked by Cage The Elephant, and any Eminem song. Generally my parents played music they grew up listening to -or at least songs that were older than me- and I still listen to them; but the older I get the harder it is to find the songs I listened to as a kid unless I hear them.

30. Your favorite song at this time last year: Dear lord how am I supposed to remember that? My favorite song changes so often, and I don’t even remember what I listened to then because I still listen to it now. Though I do remember I played Amazing by Kanye West A LOT last year.

 

This was the most interesting and fun tag I’ve done yet; and it took me forever as well! Took me 40 minutes to decide which songs I really wanted to represent my taste. I’ll have it be said that even these songs don’t cover the range of things I like in any manner. I really love all music -except country- and I always will.

All my lovely people I’d usually tag have already done this, so I really encourage anyone to do this tag; you may even surprise yourself with what songs pop into your head.

“Weak” Feeling – A Metaphor

I feel like I’ve dwelled on this for years on end; but does it ever strike you that you aren’t as open as the books you call friends? Me myself, I’m surrounded by friends who are open books with millions of word-mesh problems they’ve cultivated over the years. I don’t mind this attribute; if anything I welcome it. However my own mind cannot fathom the choice of being open of my deepest feelings.

Reserved could be a term for it, but to stay away from labeling let’s just talk about it. I’m found in a constant battle of whether exposing my pages in the book of my thoughts is a brilliant idea, or if I should stay on my solemn bookshelf.

Often there are two reasons why my book collects dust; one is because I’m afraid if I truly let all my pages be read that I’d sit alone on my dusty shelf, and second I’ve truly let myself label many of my chapters as “weak”, and I find it demeaning to myself to share. As someone who loves to be strong for others, it rattles me to think that when someone reads the lines on my pages that they’ll no longer show me theirs; they’ll feel bad for having read my book, and don’t wish to put weight on my shelf with theirs.

So here I sit on a seesaw of a shelf; one end is tipping towards having my book lay under a mound of dust, and the other is tipping towards letting all the letters pour out. I suppose I’ll let the weight of myself, instead of others, decide which way it flows.